Sorry I've been away so long, it's fair to say I've had the worst two weeks ever, and have a way to go yet before it gets better.
Was ill on weekend of Fairy Festival, so couldn't go, which I was gutted about, as I'd been getting ready for it for ages. Then on Bank Holiday Monday my two year old son fell off a space hopper and broke his wrist (he's fine, quite proud of his plaster cast, but I was a wreck).
But last Tuesday everything got a lot worse. Was at work and experiencing bad tummy ache. As I lost a baby last November, I rang my midwife who advised me to go home and rest, she got me booked in for a scan but they couldn't see me till Thursday. As the pain got worse through the rest of Tuesday and Wednesday morning, by Wednesday afternoon my husband was very worried and took me to A&E. They were concerned that my baby may be ectopic and admitted me. After lots of blood tests and examinations, by Wednesday night they deemed that all seemed well with the baby but that I had a bad kidney infection which accounted for the pain. They kept me in as they wanted to scan me to be totally sure that all was well, they decided to do this on Thursday morning as by this time it was 11pm and they were still waiting for blood test results.
The scan showed that I have had a missed miscarriage - my baby died a couple of weeks ago but my body didn't notice and carried on being pregnant, with all the normal pregnancy symptoms. This meant the doctors had to bring about a medically managed miscarriage, which was very painful and traumatic.
I am completely lost. I am veering from sadness to rage to disbelief and don't know what to do with myself. I can't imagine ever feeling better. I don't want to go out, I don't want to speak to people, I don't even want to see people. I couldn't speak to anyone at all until yesterday, finally vented to my two best friends, then went back on to my lovely glass forum last night and it all just came tumbling out. I have been overwhelmed with kind messages and flowers, people have been absolutely amazing. But right now I'm just in a black pit and don't know how to get out.
Sorry for this very bleak post, but I though I'd better let people know where I was. Only trouble is, I'm not quite sure myself. So so sad.
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17 comments:
I am so very sorry for your loss. I had a missed miscarriage a few years ago, and I can understand a little of what you're going through. Please look after yourself, and take time to grieve for your loss. You are welcome to get in touch with me if you want to chat. Take care. x
I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm sending you love and blessings. xx
I cannot even begin to understand how you are feeling, but send love and thoughts to you and yours at this sad time.
Take care x
Helen! Darling I'm so very sorry! I empathise with you and understand entirely how you are feeling . . and how it is affecting everything about your life at the moment.
I agree with Kitty B . . please look after yourself . . and however long it takes my thoughts and love are with you and your family.
Gloria XXXX
I'm so sorry that you had this terrible experience, take care of yourself and everyone is sending their love and support your way. xx
Very sad to read this, thoughts are with you xxx
i'm so sorry to hear about this, it is a terrible thing to have to go through, please take time to grieve and don't try to rush back into "normal" - lots of love to you & your family x
I am so very sorry! It is a terrible thing to happen. Please take care of yourself. Sending you all sympathy and a hug x
You poor poor darling.
You are grieving. It will take time.
But remember there are people - your family, friends including those here, who care about you.
i'm so sorry you are having to go through this. i know how you will be feeling right now, i've had two miscarriages. it is like the bottom has fallen out of your world. keep it in mind, a miscarriage takes a lot out of you both physically and mentally. you will be tired, confused, and very sad. it does lift, and get better as time passes, honestly it does.
just don't let yourself feel pressured, do things in your own time, and at your own speed, x.
i'm new to crafter oo and i have just read your sad news, i'm sorry for your loss..
Hugs
Trace ( Fairy Dust)
*hugs* I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself, and let your family love and care for you.
Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear your sad news. Can't imagine what you must be going through, my thoughts are with you and your family xx
Dear Blue Fairy,
I am very sorry indeed to hear the sad news.
Please do be kind to yourself and try to have treats lined for the weeks ahead.
Please also consider having bereavement counselling. I have found a new approach called the Human Givens Approach is the best counselling around.
http://www.hgi.org.uk/
or buy the book...
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Human-Givens-Approach-Emotional-Thinking/dp/1899398317/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1242811237&sr=8-2
Do take care,
All best wishes,
Katharine @ Woollywotnots
Thank you all so much, the support and advice I have received from friends on forums and blogs has been overwhelmingly helpful. Thank you xxx
My thoughts are with you, sweetheart.. sending you lots of love.
x
Oh Helen so sorry to hear about your loss! I've been a little out of the things since the flame-off so I cant believe this has happened to you. Look after yourself, take time to grieve and dont expect to feel better straight away. It could take you a long, long time to get through this! Sending you love and hugs
Elaine x
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